Raising Teens in Finland: Bullying, Digital Safety, and Where to Get Help

Teenage years are hard anywhere. For families who moved here, there's an extra layer: a new school system, a new language, and unwritten social rules. Here's what's worth knowing, and where to turn when you need it.

Understanding your teen

Adolescence is a stretch where the brain is still developing impulse control while emotions run high — mood swings, risk-taking, and pulling away from parents toward friends are normal parts of it, not signs something is wrong. A few things help:

• Stay curious instead of judgmental. Ask questions before drawing conclusions.
• Give them some autonomy in low-stakes decisions — it builds the judgment they'll need for bigger ones.
• Keep a regular, low-pressure channel open (a car ride, a walk) rather than only talking when there's a problem.
• Notice change, not perfection. A moody teen is normal; a teen who suddenly withdraws from everything they used to enjoy is worth a closer look.

Bullying at school

The Finnish guide for parents on bullying at school is written for parents who don't speak Finnish, Swedish or Sami as a first language but understand some English, and it covers bullying, harassment and discrimination. Worth reading in full.

Some basics:

• Every school must have an anti-bullying plan.
• Since August 2022, teachers and principals must notify a guardian of any suspected bullying, harassment, discrimination or violence.
• Report bullying to the teacher and the headmaster. Physical violence and theft are crimes and can be reported to the police.
• Bullying isn't confined to school hours — it follows kids onto phones and social media too.

Signs to watch for: anxious, withdrawn or unusually quiet behaviour; avoiding school or faking illness; a drop in grades; sleep or appetite changes; unexplained headaches or stomachaches. Teens often don't say anything themselves, so the change in behaviour is usually the first clue.

How to respond: stay calm and open, avoid blaming or shaming, and listen before acting. Keep dates and screenshots, then contact the school in writing.

When your own teen has done something wrong

Every parent hopes never to need this, but it happens. The Steps of Responsibility model, developed at the Brief Therapy Institute in Helsinki, is a useful guide. Its premise: many teen problems come from an underdeveloped sense of responsibility, not low self-esteem — and punishments a young person feels are unfair tend to increase defiance rather than fix anything. The six steps:

1. Admitting what happened
2. Understanding the impact
3. Apologizing
4. Making up (agreed repair)
5. Promising not to repeat it
6. Helping prevent it among peers

There's even a small tool on the site that helps young people draft a letter of apology.

Cyberbullying: what it looks like now

This isn't a small problem. A 2025 survey of nearly 6,000 Finnish young people aged 13–18 found bullying in digital spaces is a changing and complex phenomenon that many adolescents encounter or witness online. Some of what it found:

• 36% had been bullied online at least once, 24% within the past year.
• 24% had been the target of offensive videos, images or rumours.
• More than a third had been excluded from a group online.
• Among those bullied repeatedly, boys and frequent gamers stood out, and the bully was most often someone from school or a shared hobby.
• AI-generated content is an emerging tool for bullying.

For some teens it's clearly serious. For others, it gets waved off as "just joking" — part of gaming or internet culture — which makes it easy to miss.

How to safeguard your teen:

• Talk about it before something happens, not just after. Ask what platforms they use and how they'd handle an unkind comment or a fake account.
• Teach them not to respond in the heat of the moment, to screenshot and save evidence, and to block and report rather than argue.
• Make clear that telling you won't mean losing their phone — that fear is the main reason teens stay silent.
• Know that cyberbullying is still bullying even if it happens outside school hours; Finnish schools are obligated to act if it affects the school environment.
• If it escalates to threats or repeated harassment, this can cross into criminal territory — Victim Support Finland (116 006) can advise.

Screen time: how to actually set it up

Rules work better when they're set together rather than imposed:

• Agree on daily/weekly limits as a family conversation, not a decree — teens are more likely to stick to limits they had a say in.
• Use built-in tools rather than nagging: Apple Screen Time (Settings → Screen Time → set up for a child under Family Sharing) or Google Family Link (a free app that pairs your phone with your teen's) let you set daily limits, app-specific limits, and downtime hours (e.g., no phone after 10pm).
• Keep phones out of bedrooms overnight — a charging station in the kitchen or hallway is a simple, effective rule.
• Model it yourself. Teens notice if the screen-time rule only applies to them.
• Revisit limits as they get older — what fits a 13-year-old shouldn't be identical to what fits a 17-year-old.

Monitoring or restricting social media

• Google Family Link and Apple Family Sharing/Screen Time both let you approve app downloads, set age-appropriate content filters, and see usage summaries.
• Most platforms (Instagram, TikTok, YouTube) have their own "Family Pairing" or supervised-account features — worth turning on directly in the app, in addition to phone-level controls.
• Full covert monitoring tends to backfire with teens — it damages trust and pushes activity further underground. A more sustainable approach: agree openly that you'll do periodic spot-checks, keep follow/friend access to your teen's accounts, and treat it as a visible family policy rather than surveillance.
• Set the account to private and turn off location-sharing on public posts as a baseline, regardless of how closely you monitor otherwise.

In an emergency: tips for parents

• 112 — Finland's general emergency number, for anything urgent.
• Activate Find My (iPhone) or Find My Device (Android) on your teen's phone in advance, while things are calm — not after they've gone missing. Make sure location sharing is turned on with you as a trusted contact.
• Set up Family Link or Family Sharing as a family center — this gives you a single place to see device locations, screen time, and app activity for all your kids' devices.
• Agree on a family check-in link/code word — a simple way for a teen to signal "I need you to call me right now" without explaining in front of others.
• Keep the local school's contact info and your teen's close friends' parents' numbers handy.
• Know the helplines below before you need them — saved in your phone, not searched for in a panic.

Racism and discrimination

Our children may face this, and we should be able to name it.

• Microaggressions are comments that seem harmless but reinforce stereotypes — praising someone's Finnish as though it's surprising is one example. They add up over time.
• Discrimination means treating someone worse than others in a comparable situation because of a personal characteristic. The Non-Discrimination Act covers origin, language, religion and other grounds, and it also prohibits harassment.
• Not every unpleasant experience is discrimination — it has to tie to a protected ground.

Where to go: contact the Non-Discrimination Ombudsman about racist discrimination, and the police if your teen is the victim of a racist offence.

Where to get help in Finland

• Emergency: 112
• Lasten ja nuorten puhelin (children and youth line): 116 111. Mon–Fri 14–20, Sat–Sun 17–20, plus an evening chat. In Finnish.
• Sekasin chat: free, anonymous, confidential, ages 12–29, in Finnish and Swedish.
• MIELI Crisis Helpline: 09 2525 0111. 24/7 in Finnish; also Swedish, Ukrainian and Russian. English speakers can book a remote crisis appointment through MIELI Without Borders.
• Poikien Puhelin (Boys' Phone): a helpline for boys and young men.
• Victim Support Finland: 116 006.
• For parents: MLL runs family cafés and offers parenting advice; Väestöliitto gives phone advice in Finnish, English and Russian.

Other things worth keeping in mind

• Consistency matters more than strictness — teens push back hardest against rules that feel arbitrary or unevenly enforced.
• Praise effort and character, not just outcomes — it builds resilience for the setbacks that are coming anyway.
• Know their friend group, even loosely. It's often where the first signs of trouble show up.
• Keep asking, even when the answer is "fine." Teens open up on their own timeline, not yours.

Understanding the system

If you'd like a broader picture of how Finnish society works, the English edition of the Suomi – Yhteiskuntaorientaation oppikirja (Finland Social Orientation textbook) is a good reference for parents.